HI BABY!!!

Observation of the week-
Why do we talk to animals and babies like we expect they'll talk back? we use the most ridiculous of all voices imaginable, something between a shrill squeak that sometimes breaks into a low husky growl. Things that are lower in intelligence then our own seem to require being talked to in a voice that belongs on some horrible multicoloured,googly eyed puppet on a 1960's or 70 kids show like H.R Puff N stuff.

We hold a baby, get right in their face and say in the biggest baby voice "what are yoo doing! what are yooo doing aye? hello,hellooo! WHAT.ARE.YOU.DOING!!!" like they'll suddenly look up and say "well, I just pooed my pants and now I think I may go for a cry"

Its the same for animals. We grab dogs by the ears and rub the crap out of their heads and say "oh who's a beautiful girl? hmm? who is? YOU ARE! YES YOU ARE!! *shrill squeak* YES. YOU.ARE!!" they appear to enjoy it though when we ruff them up by push their saggy skin around or brush their hair back the wrong way or flop their ears up so that their stuck up in the air. I wonder if they're really just sitting there thinking " oh god, here comes Susan again. Let me guess, this time she's going to try and tie a red ribbon around my neck and put on one of her mothers old bras and pretend I'm a dog that belongs to a transexual from the red light district and I have to prance around to sleazy Tom Jones music to get money from passer byers. And she wonders why she has no friends! She spends her entire time making her dog act out weird situations."

They say a mother has the best patience, but I think its the animals and babies of the world who have to put up with the most in life. The annoying toddlers, pre-teens and teenagers they become later in life are just revenge tactics for all the times they were handed around at parties when they were first born like a parcel in pass the parcel, all the times they were made to wear horrid outfits chosen by their mother or grandmother, all the times they were made to go to play group with all the other snotty, yelling,crying kids who ate glue and threw sand in everyones eyes. And the animals, well all the times they ruined that lovely blue rug with their excretions, all the times they ripped the crap out of the lounges, carried food from their bowls to the other side of the room to eat it, broke the christmas trees by climbing up them and chewing through the Tv cords were just ways of saying WHO'S A BEAUTIFUL DOG NOW HUH?!

:D

Too ra to all!
Brookus