The best medicine is back on track with his Burger King girlfriend.

Heart break is the topic of the day.

It hurts,its ugly,and I've got a large serving of it,and I'm not allowed to leave the dinner table until I've finished it.

I've never understood heartbreak. I've only ever liked 3 boys enough in my entire life to ever experience what its like to care for someone.

The first 2 of these 3 cant even really be considered relationships,more of a small crush that was dragged out into oblivion.

But the 3rd was amazing. It was perfect. It was storybook, it was the funnest 3 months I've ever had in my entire life. Lewis was the best friend made in heaven. And he was mine until I got caught up in the fear of realisation at the fact that I'd gotten so far into something I never thought I'd achieve, and broke it off.

Worst mistake of my life, and the most life changing. 

I've never felt more sorry in my life.

Never been so sad in my entire life.

Never cried so much in my entire life.

Never hated myself more in my entire life.

Never wanted someone back more in my entire life.

It feels like my chest is slowly filling up with boiling hot soapy water,and with each slosh and rising level, I'm sinking deeper and deeper into the regrets and sadness of free will and the power of choice.

I've always HATED all those stupid love songs that talk about how much love drives you crazy and makes you do stupid things. I always thought that what they were talking about was so fake and silly and tacky.

But now I get it.
I get that when you meet someone and they seem to make everything around you feel like it suddenly makes sense, that the world becomes a completely new place, and happiness takes on a new meaning.

that maybe all the friendships you've ever had in your entire life were just shallow puddles compared to the ocean your now swimming in.

that all those times you had crushes on boys and always thought they meant so much to you were so vain and pathetic compared to how much this one person DOES mean to you.

I get that their what you to go bed thinking of,and what you wake up for.

they can make you smile with the smallest of gestures.

that when you see that something you've done has hurt them,that it feels like you've just crushed a small childs hopes and dreams and seeing the fear in its eyes when it realises the world isnt all good.

when you realise how much you meant to someone, and didnt realise it, or chose to take it for granted.

I understand now how your whole body takes a beating when your heat doesn't feel like working all day everyday. its become lazy and chooses not to feel,or to feel to much.

that your mind begins to taunt you about decisions and how big of a rut you've gotten yourself into, and challenges you as to whether you deserve to get back out.

I understand now that the worst thing to see in the world is the pain you placed in the eyes of the one you love, and know that no matter how hard you work to clean it away, it'll always stain,and it'll always hurt.

I understand that no amount of sorry's ever really mean the sorry your trying to say.

I understand what it truly means to miss someone, and to try and hold on to the past when you know you've tainted the future.

I understand the hatred someone can feel for someone else and their actions,and have never fully understood the justification for that anger until now.

I understand I was,am,will be wrong. 

and I understand now what pain,and life really feels like.

Now I understand what the countless singers and song writers over the years were trying to express and warn us about. If I'd listened, I might have been able to voice my problems,instead of trying to figure them out on my own, and making them worse.

For those of you who are married, you'll know what it means to love someone, and how much it would hurt to lose that person. They're your life. They're your soul. They're your other half that supports you,and you to them.

I may only be 17 years old, but the first taste of love will always be an experience to judge other samples of love against. I may never find someone who's as wonderful as lewis, who loved me as much as he did, but I hope to the higher being who watches over us all that Lewis finds someone who loves him as much as I loved him,and will care about him as much as I continue to care about him.

So, this is what they call growing and learning? Well, I can say that on this first meeting with it, it's proven a powerful and overbearing enemy. 

For now, I've got to wait. And continue to check the pocket watch, then wait some more.

The waiting is the worst part.

Until next time amigo's

Brookus.

xo